Are You Unapproachable to Men?

Dear What Men Want: Recently (4 months ago, to be exact) I moved to Manhattan after

graduating college and I have yet to score a date with any eligible bachelors in the city.

In fact, I don't even think I've given my number out once. My roommates, on the other hand,

both go on dates all the time, while I end up empty-handed weekend after weekend. I'm no

Gisele, but from what I've been told, this isn't a question of my attractiveness. My

roommates think I'm a little too picky in my choice of men (which I like to call "high

standards") and think I shut down men too fast, but even so, why are no decent men

approaching me when I'm out? Is it possible that I look intimidating to men, and if so, do

men only approach the easy-looking girls at bars? How can I change my attitude so that men

find me more approachable without throwing myself at them? Please help, WMW!

Sincerely,

Dating-Challenged



Dead Dating-Challenged: This is a simple case of needing to open your mind. I don't think

women realize just how hard it is for the average guy to walk up to a complete stranger and

try to strike up a conversation. It is exceedingly difficult to work up the courage to do

that and obviously we're not going to approach you if it seems like you might shut us down

if we don't fit every one of your personal standards.

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If you are out and seem like you're not interested in anyone, guys can pick up on that from

across the room. If you're at a bar, you should be there to have fun. Go with the attitude

that you'll talk to anyone. If you look like you're fun and willing to have a good time,

you'll get approached. You don't have to act like you're easy or dress provocatively, but

don't look around the room picking out who you will talk to and who you won't. We can tell

when you feel like you're too good for the room.

When you do finally get approached, don't reject guys out of hand because they aren't

perfect. There's no harm in going on a few dates with people who aren't perfect. It's good

experience and will get you back into the swing of things. I'm not saying you should lead

anyone on, but having a few first dates that aren't with the man of your dreams won't hurt

anything.

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Besides, when you get to know someone outside the confines of a bar or club you might

realize you actually like them more than you originally thought possible. Hey, maybe you'll

end up being great friends and he'll have a few buddies who are exactly what you're looking

for.

The real message here is don't judge people before you have even had a conversation with

them. If you aren't willing to put yourself out there guys will pick up on that immediately

and not waste their time.